Wrote this earlier this year:
A group of believers at my church and I are joining into a time of prayer for the next 40 days. Everyday we have a topic from which we are encouraged, challenged and pray for. Today’s topic was: Dedication of your time.
I am not a good steward of time.
I spend a lot of my time in entertainment, social networks, and laziness. I do have time that I invest with Jesus but I have contained it. I have set a time limit, a running clock on my intimacy with Christ. For the longest time, the Holy Spirit has been teaching me that life with God is not a time slot, where you check in and check out. Rather, it is doing life with Him. He is EVER present. I wake up and He is there. I go to sleep and He is there. I go for a run and He is there, because He dwells in me. I am a carrier of His presence, so why do I act like His presence stays in my room or at the worship center at church?
Psalm 95:8-9 says “Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts…”
How often do I hear the still small voice of the Spirit calling me to pray, to listen, to sing, to worship and to obey. How often do I silence and ignore that beautiful voice. Beloved, I’m sure you see my dilemma and the foolishness of my heart, the hardening of my heart. I mean why wouldn’t I want to delight myself in the One who created the flowers and the stars?
As I asked these questions before Him, I realized it is because I saw time with Jesus as work, as something I have to do. Perhaps this thought process resounds with you, you feel the nudge to pray, you think “I have to go to my room. Put music on. Try to get Him there. Who knows how long that is going to take?”
Horrible! I know! But truly, I would be the first to lie if I did not admit that this has been my attitude several times. I will also be the first to admit that when I do obey and pray, I always say to myself, “why do I always drag my feet to delight in Jesus if it is the best thing ever!”
Today as I prayed, I repented for seeing my relationship with Jesus as work. When you love someone, you always desire to be with them, to spend time with them. I prayed that my heart be revived with passion for Him and for His people. I could only fulfill my calling as a disciple of Jesus, loving others remaining in Him. Outside of Him, I can do nothing.
So I should be finishing up my research paper. But I have to write, I have to get all of this out. I feel like I am about to explode. So, if you are reading this, prepare to be taken on a ride within my heart and mind, taking left turns on the tangents of my thought process. I will try and be as clear and as communicative as possible, for I pray that my little ponderings may in fact bless and spur you on into a time of contemplation of the Lord.
And yes, of the Lord. I am just in awe of Jesus. I can’t stop thinking about Him. I can’t stop thinking about the light that emanates so richly and peacefully from Him. I feel so blessed in and in a way, in ecstasy, as I think about the fact that I know Him. That He has found me, that I found Him. It’s a completely different reality. It is the only reality. It’s one that I am still not accustomed to for I usually walk in accordance with the patterns of this world. But Jesus is out of this world, both literally and figuratively. So as I look to Him, its new. It is always new. I have had a relationship with Him for most of my life and every time as I press into Him, it is something new. A new awe and sense of adoration falls over my eyes as if it were the first time I have ever laid eyes on Him.
Maybe this is what it means to return to your first love. It is not necessarily a feeling or a conglomerate of habits, but rather it is centered on the awe of knowing Him. It is centered on the breath-taking reverence there is when you acknowledge His worth and His ever-present Spirit within us, with us. I guess what I am trying to say is that I don’t think it is possible to “get used to” God. We should know Him, but every time, we press into Him, it is new, it is more, it is profound. Not necessarily better, but just new, more. So in light of this, I don’t think it possible to press into His presence and say “You again.” No way! I mean come on! It’s the Creator of All! The One who breathes out stars! The One who knows all and reigns over all! And He loves us! Small human beings, insignificant in comparison to the majesty of the universe but so significant in the eyes of God through the blood of Jesus. It’s crazy! It makes me want to laugh and cry and jump and fall on my face in wonder, gratitude, fear and love!
Man. God loves me. God loves you. We have to tell others about Him. We have to tell others about the love that restores and cures all things. We have to talk about the One who brought peace to the earth and salvation and justification to mankind. It is the Good News! It is the Greatest News! To tell someone, “Hey! There’s Hope! There’s a Way! Come, get up from your sorrow! You don’t have to live in depression or resentment! Jesus, the Son of God, has rescued us! There’s hope! There’s love! Come and know the One who loves you so passionately!”
It’s the greatest love story. It’s the greatest story period. And it’s our story.
Wow. Just wow.
There’s so much more but I do need to write this paper. But I just needed to talk a little bit of what is in my heart. My prayer is that both you and I would be so bold in the Spirit, putting on humility, to love our neighbor and speak of the comfort and life eternal there is in Jesus, without fear, without shame, without reservation. For who lights a lamp and hides it?
Matthew 5:15-16
15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
School has begun! And my oh my, when I look at my schedule and calendar (I need to have one for work) there is so little free time because the “free time” I have is for homework. It can feel a bit overwhelming when I start thinking about how many things I need to get done, how many things I need to buy, and how many chapters I need to read.Plus I am thinking about the people I miss, friends I want to talk to, family I want to be with. It can start to get a lot, it can want to stress you out. and THERE! is the problem.
I need to learn to trust God with everything. I need to learn that although I play a key role in my relationships, the One who is ultimately in control of them is the Lord. That although my discipline and effort are key in my educational career, the One who is really working through me is the Lord. Now this isn’t to say that I will enter into a passive mentality it’s just learning that Jesus holds everything together. He holds me together. He is what is keeping me from falling apart, my firm foundation. He is stretching me not to break me but to grow and expand me. I just thought about when I stretch as a dancer. I stretch so that when I actually start dancing the routine or choreography my body is already loosened up so that I won’t hurt myself. Perhaps it is the same way. God is stretching me in preparation for something He wants to do through me, do for other people. The truth is , the more I’m stretched, the more I see how fragile I am on my own. I’m like a flimsy rubber band, a little tension and I rip. But in Jesus, I can bend and not break. In Jesus, I can go beyond my limitations and do things that I never thought I could. And although every time the next task looks impossible, I can look up to God to whom there is nothing impossible.
“For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall.But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles. They run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind” (Isaiah 40 Msg)
That’s what it is. “those who wait upon God..” Thats what I’m learning. To learn to wait upon God when I realize that I can’t be in everything (in the sense be in two places at once) but trust and know that He is. To learn to wait upon the Lord when I realize that I am not the one running the show and things can go a different path than expected and know that His steering is so much better than mine! To learn to wait upon God as I work on graphic design assignments, homework and know that He is in the midst of that as He is also in the midst of my singing and corporate worship. To learn that it is not by might, nor by power, but by His Spirit. Hallelujah that we don’t carry our yoke on our own. Hallelujah that Jesus invites us to give our burdens and carry His yoke of loving others and laying down our lives … and even that! He helps us with! transforms us to carry it out!
We really do have a great God. So merciful and intimate with us. A God who sees us in our rush and in our busyness, who reminds us to slow down and acknowledge Him, to know that He is with us as we walk to class, read a book, or visit a friend. A God who walks with us wherever we are. A God who reminds us that only one thing is necessary, and that is Him. We should not grow stressed, exasperated or frustrated. There is peace in Jesus and that peace is active and is present in activity. It’s just about honoring Him always. And whatever we do, we do so in the name of Jesus in all thankfulness and humility.
I can write more but I should be sleeping. If you read this, please pray for me that I may enjoy and delight in God’s faithfulness in every activity and responsibility. That above all else that His love for me may be first, so that I may continue to exercise and discharge my duties as a daughter of the Most High God. To know that He is in control of every single aspect of my life. That I can rest in knowing that as I write a research paper He is protecting my family. That as I walk to a class He is looking after all my friends. That as I pray and worship He is in control of my academic endeavors. That as I eat He is working through the global church and is watching over Daya Don, Bernard and Rakesh in India.
Again, this isn’t to enter into passivity but rather rest in assurance that I can be 100% invested into what He has put before me for His glory and know He is handling the rest, and if my attention needs to be redirected, He will make it known as I listen with an attentive ear to His leading and prompting. Rest in Jesus :) His peace He left with us, His peace He’s given us!
He is God! He is good!
Blessings! Let’s continue to pray for the world, for our fellow brothers and sisters. There is power in our prayer because of the one who hears them :)
Threats to destroy growing church in Asia. Click link for full story and prayer requests.
Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?
— John 11:40 (via francisupdates)
So.. I know I said that I was going to embark on a study of what it really means to follow Christ and what that looks like in my everyday life and show it here on tumblr. I have obviously not done so. Therefore here I am, redeeming the time and jumping right back into writing down some of the things God has been teaching me.
One morning I woke up thinking. I know this is an obvious statement, considering we all wake up in consciousness. But what I am referring to is meditation. It’s weird actually but a lot of my meditation and learning of the word by the Spirit is done before going to bed or right when I am waking up. Weird… I know.
Anyways, so I woke up one morning thinking about what it means to follow Jesus and two words came to mind: invitation and choice.
I knew this was totally the Lord speaking because immediately the parable of the rich young ruler came to mind.
Following Christ is an invitation that He gives and it’s a choice we can make because He has invited us.
The rich young ruler was seeking for something, like we all are. His quest was for eternal life. We can deduct this from the questions he asks Jesus. Finally Jesus hits it on the nail. He tells him to sale all His possessions, give it to the poor and follow Him.
Not only is Jesus extending an invitation but has given the young man instruction on how to take hold of the invitation. The rich young ruler now is in the position of making a decision.
What surprises me and I guess I’ve never really thought about is how honest the rich young ruler was. I say this because many times I agree verbally but deny what I have spoken with my actions.
But this young ruler made a choice, the wrong one, but he made it. What’s interesting is that what He was seeking, eternal life, was standing right in front of him. Jesus clearly states that eternal life is knowing Him and the Father.
…
I think many times we think of following Jesus as a means to another end when He is the end, He is everything, He is eternal life, He is joy and peace. We cannot seek Him to find something else. We seek Him to find Him. We follow Him because of who He is and wherever He is we want to be. Of course other things will be added on but that’s what they will be, added on. “Seek first the kingdom and His righteousness and everything else will be added on to you”. And I think that even when they are added on, in comparison to the greatness of knowing Jesus, it will all seem like rubbish (like Paul said).
I am not saying that what God adds onto to us is rubbish. I think what Paul is saying that the greatest blessing, the greatest gift is to know God. And this is so great that nothing else, no material possession, human relationship, earthly or heavenly thing can even come close to amounting to it.
I wonder if the rich young ruler knew this. I wonder if he knew that the answer to his question, to his quest was before Him, a few feet away. Then again, I wonder if he was really seeking eternal life or if he was just seeking another method of self glory.
In either case, one thing is for sure: he was unable to die to himself. He was unable, unwilling to give up what he prized the most.
“Deny yourself and follow me” says Jesus.
You can’t do the latter if can’t do the first. You must die to live. Lose to gain. It all comes down to one question: Is Jesus worth it?
Jesus teaches that one must count the cost before constructing a building and get advice from many before going to war.. in a sense He is saying that we really need to know what following Him implies.
When I choose to take His invitation, I am literally surrendering every area of my life for His glory, for other people like He did. He tells me that there will be persecution, insult, trials, but to take heart that He has overcome the world.
I don’t know. I just need help in really living this out. I still hesitate when the Holy Spirit prompts me to preach to a mother and her two children in Subway because of timidity or concern that I will be perceived as weird. Even my mindset is wrong because John says in 1 John 3:1 that the world does not know us because it did not know Him.
I can’t expect to follow Christ and receive positive feedback. He didn’t. He was crucified. He was spat on. Hit. I am not saying that this woman would have swung at me but even more embarrassing on my part, perhaps I was just worried about her opinion of me.
That’s it! “her opinion of ME”
“Deny yourself”…
I can’t live for myself because inevitably I will not be able to live for Jesus. It’s not possible.
As I think about it, I know that if I would have obeyed, I would have been filled with joy of the Lord for obeying Him and functioned as a vessel of His Holy Spirit.
That’s another thing. When the Spirit prompts us to do something, it’s really not for us, but for others. Honestly, that didn’t even cross through my mind.
In light of this, how much of a Christ follower am I? That I am still concerned with my self image to the point of not sharing the gospel that has saved me…
I am once again at the position of the rich young ruler. Where Jesus is telling me to give up trying to please people, to give up impressing others, to live a life of service out of the love He has lavished on me, and follow Him, denying myself, loving Him and loving others.
Paul said that he died everyday. It’s everyday. That makes sense! Because the word teaches us that we are transformed day by day into His likeness. Everyday as I die, He lives and in turn I live. It’s glorious and beautiful. Not the most comfortable thing.. but since when did following Jesus imply comfort?
Many times dying to oneself will look like forgiving someone who has wronged you, giving everything you have to someone who will perhaps not appreciate it, blessing someone who curses you, being kind and gentle with someone who has spoken behind your back, perhaps it will mean going to jail, being stoned,being killed like many of our brothers and sisters in Christ, perhaps it will look like giving up a time of entertainment to serve those in your household… all out of love. Loving God and loving your neighbor, always walking in the Spirit, in His love.
We love because He first loved us. When we press in to more of who God is, and how much He loves us.. inevitably that’s all we will be able to pour out.
So…
What is Jesus asking from you? Will you take heed of His invitation and choose to follow Him… really follow Him no matter what the cost? Will I?
I choose Him…
Prayer Requests:
That I may preach the gospel in boldness, as I should. I have not received a spirit of fear or timidity but a Spirit of power, love and self dominion. That I may truly live a life worthy of the calling I have received.
For all our brothers and sisters in Christ who are undergoing persecution for the name of Jesus all around the world, that they may be strengthened, comforted, encouraged in His Spirit.
francisupdates:
Over the years, I’ve been convicted by passages that describe the unity Christ wants in His church (John 17, 1 John 4, 1 Corinthians 12, Philippians 2, Acts 2…). But whenever I’ve made efforts toward bringing believers together, I run into seemingly insurmountable barriers. I don’t know how to…
Into Your courts I run with praises
Flowing from my heart
Every day I wake I sing Your song
It’s the anthem of my life
I want to spend my days
In Your presence, Lord
Bowed before Your throne
In the house of God
Is where I find my peace
It’s where I find my
Home is heaven
One day Lord, I will live
In Your courts, You’ll find me
In worship at Your feet
Hide me now
In the shadow of Your wings
Where I will be
Where I will be
Your love is all I need
So desperately I have sought Your face
I know You hear my every cry
And petition that I make
Jesus, oh You are my treasure
Jesus, oh You are my treasure
Written by Marty Sampson
1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
— Ephesians 4:1-6 NIV
In terms of what I just posted a few minutes ago I am thinking about what it means to follow Christ. I think in every reference I blogged (aware that there are several many) some hearers respond with a request or a question. Then there are others whose response is obedience and devotion. I want to be like those of the latter.
But do I really? Most of the ones who responded in obedience left everything. They literally left absolutely everything.
I think in modern days we apply or think much of Scripture in figurative terms or in ways we can apply them spiritually. Here however, we see Peter leaving everything! John leaving everything! The word says that John and His brother left the boat and their father and followed Him. Immediately. There was no (unless the word does not recount) a request to go and say bye to everyone back in their house. I wonder how Zebedee responded in seeing his sons leave Him. I wonder if He understood why. Peter, as narrated by Matthew, immediately rose and followed Jesus. Later we find out that Peter had a wife. Matthew, or Levi, arose from being at the tax booth. He was on shift, I wonder if he thought about his superiors or his financial responsibilities. We later see how Jesus and others were eating at the house of Matthew, but Matthew had made a decision to leave it all upon request.
Jesus said that we must deny ourselves and follow Him. Perhaps denying ourselves is the only real way we can follow Him, truly follow Him. I recall the rich young ruler. He was unable to sell His possessions and follow Christ. There is no compromise. There is no half way. He wasn’t able to do it. He went away sad, unable to deny his desires, himself.
How often am I turned away from following Christ on a choice by choice, day by day basis because of my desire to keep myself? In saying this, I mean in a desire to maintain and fulfill my own desires. It can be something as casual as choosing to watch another movie while ignoring the call of seeking the Lord. Or perhaps ignoring the tug to speak to someone sitting by themselves in Rubios because of my desire to remain comfortable with my own peers. And while I feel the conviction, excuse myself by saying “She would have thought I was weird anyways, or my peers would have thought I was too radical” (Is there really such a thing when it comes to Jesus?)
Or perhaps if we take a little deeper into our human nature. When I have been offended in every possible way and choose to remain offended instead of following His command of forgiving and loving in an effort to retain my pride and my dignity.
Or even deeper, that I say I have forgiven and forgotten “Lord knows I have” yet cringe at the mention of my offender’s name and refuse any contact?
Or when I see a beggar on the street and know that I should show compassion but walk or drive right past them not wanting anything to interrupt my day. Yet go back home and open my bible and praise the Lord for His mercy.
I am not in any shape or form criticizing these outlooks, they are my own, I guess what I am thinking about is what role does following Jesus play in these areas?
I don’t want to casually say I am a Christian, a Jesus follower, and not even know what that means, or even worse, know what it means and not live it.
To follow Jesus, to live as He lived, to walk as He walked, to hear what He says, to LOVE AS HE LOVES. In reality, my life in comparison to His is so far off. My life outside the church building’s door. My life in my thoughts, ways, family relationships, and selflessness as I walk through public places. Another word for follow is succession, is my life really a succession of His?
There can’t be a me and then Him. I must rid myself of myself. That means everything. I think it’s living for Him. Here. Now. As I write this. As I sleep. As I awake. As I am eating. As I am walking. As I am irritated by a co worker or family member. As I am hurt by a loved one. As I pray for someone for healing, restoration and salvation. Always walking and living in His Spirit. Living in way worthy of the calling I’ve received.
I do not think this means living in a monastic manner. But really being able to die everyday to what I want and ask the Lord what He would have me do, who would He want me to bless, knowing and obeying the two commandments He has laid down for us already: to love Him with everything and love our neighbor as we love ourselves.
LOVE.
“Now this is how we know what love is: Jesus laid down His life for us therefore we should lay down our life for our brothers” (paraphrased with emphasis added)
Lay down my life? for who? Yeah. I think God has been showing me that when I lay down my life to Him, when I surrender all I to Him through song and worship on a Sunday, I am really laying down my life for others. There is no disconnect between my relationship with God and my relationship with others. I cannot say I love God whom I can’t see and hate my brother whom I do see.
But what if I really do hate my brother? Do I really not love God? Do I really not know God?
“Whoever does not love does not know God for God is love” (Paraphrase)
This is totally challenging for me. Convicting, for sure. But I am tired of numbing down the word of God to fit my faults and to my convenience. I would rather realize that maybe I do not know God and decide to know Him for real than persuade myself that I know Him and come judgment day and have Him tell me, “I do not know you.”
This is a reality. He is real. He is alive. Jesus lives. And He died for us. Rose for us. God has called us into perfect fellowship with Him. He loves us. So much. I want to lay down my life. I want to take a hold for which Christ took hold of me. But really do it. Not just say it in word and deny Him with my life. He is worth more than that. He is worth all of me. I think that is what Paul says when He says “Let’s walk in a manner worthy of the calling we’ve received”.
…
I am not trying to be harsh or cruel, nor am I trying to say that our faith is attained by works. But it is a faith that should produce works. Faith without deeds is dead. What good is it, as James said, to wish and pray that my brother in Christ may be blessed with money when I have a $100 in my back pocket and I don’t give it to him? What good is it to pray that God may help the person who is stuck on the freeway and not just stop ourselves and help them?
…
I want to follow Jesus. I know I have Him, as redeemed by His blood I have full access to the throne of grace and mercy. But have I really allowed that to transform my life? If I have FREELY received grace and mercy, straight from the throne of God, well aware of the miry clay He took me out of, shouldn’t I, by the power of His Spirit, freely give the same grace, power, mercy, forgiveness and love? If I don’t, have I really received it? Or is it stagnate because of my selfishness?
“deny yourself”…
What is impossible with men, is possible with God.
I think that in face of Jesus, before all He is, before all that His beautiful Spirit reveals, and the love of the Father… there is an irresistible desire to lay it all down. But really. In realizing, who He is and what He did for me… what else can I do but abandon myself and dive into all that He is, knowing that He has transformed me, changed me, called me His own. I want and He wants me to walk as His own. But that does not and cannot include…selfishness, greed, anger, malice, jealousy, quarreling, bad mouthing someone else, lusting in my heart, hating my brother, sexual immorality etc.
And it’s not by our might but only by walking in His Spirit. And when we walk in His Spirit we walk in obedience, in love to Him and to others.
So again, what does that look like in my daily walk? in living out the gospel? in honoring my parents? in placing the restoration of a friendship before my desire to be right? or sharing about Jesus to the person I speak to in my class?
I am realizing my spiritual infancy. I don’t want to think that because I have gifts of the Spirit that I am spiritually mature. The church of Corinth had many gifts but Paul said they were infants, unable to eat meat. If I have faith that can move mountains and yet not have love? I am nothing. If i sing a thousand worship songs yet not love, I am nothing.
“1 Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ.
2 I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. 3 You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans?”
(1 Cor. 3:1-2)
When we believe in Jesus, and accept Him, we are saved. Born again. We become sons and daugthers of God. Do we live as such? Do I? He has given us His Spirit. It’s just walking in obedience, in power, in love. Because walking in obedience is essentially walking in love. We know that love is not a feeling.
“7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” (1 John 4:7)
“1 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. 5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:etc (read it…)” (Phillipians 2:1-5)
Francis Chan said something while speaking at my university. He was expressing how he just wanted his life to make sense in accordance with the Word. Come to think about it, He was preaching about living a life worthy of the calling we’ve received. He said “… all I am saying (as he held up his bible in one hand, and a made a weighing gesture with his other hand) I want my life to make sense with (in accordance with) the gospel” (Paraphrased at best of my recalling abilities) … And with the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit, so do I.
So what’s the solution? As His church, as His body? Honestly…I think it’s walking by His Spirit, pressing in to God, being captivated and renewed by Him, as we grow in knowledge of His love for us. It’s reading the word and obeying it. It’s listening to His voice and following it. It’s willing to be mocked, persecuted, losing it all, regarding everything as loss in comparison to knowing Him. It’s laying down our lives for others, losing it…to find it in the end. It’s truly glorious and dangerous to our flesh (amen!). Wondrous and adventurous. Jesus tells us, “Follow me… there will be persecution, and hardship, but I have overcome the world…come away with me…I will transform you day by day as you grow in knowledge of me…you are my hands and feet on earth, my light and love shining to those around you…we are one…lose your life and find it in me…”
“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 38:18-20)
“This is my command: Love each other.” (John 15:17)
